


Be Alright

by Cerillen



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: I swear, M/M, Unrequited Love, it ends on a positive note tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 02:31:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17417345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cerillen/pseuds/Cerillen
Summary: He was too trusting.Too kind and optimistic.He always had been.And that was something, I realized too late, I’d always loved about him.





	Be Alright

**Author's Note:**

> This is the story of Virgil's first love, as told from his own perspective.  
> It doesn't relate to any other fics I have out currently.  
> It's just a one shot.  
> But I'll probs add on some of the other times he falls in love in a bit of a series later.  
> (Noosa-apology/sorry)

It’s always been kind of hard for me to make friends.

Considering the mix of anxiety, depression, and trauma I had to learn to deal with at the time, I can totally understand why.

I was a mess as a kid.

More so than I am now, at least.

Regardless, making and keeping friends was hard.

But there were a few people who stuck for a while.

One of them in particular, I remember with a lot of fondness.

He was one of the sweetest people I knew.

He worried a lot, about himself and others.

But he was almost always smiling.

Or, maybe, I just remember him smiling more than anything else.

He had a nice smile.

I never noticed at the beginning, but that smile always managed to make my chest feel warm in a way nothing else seemed capable of replicating.

I just kind of wish that he’d directed more of those smiles my way.

Instead of giving them away to all those people who never seemed to notice him.

It hurt a lot, in a way that I couldn’t understand at the time, watching him go all heart eyed over some other boy in our class.

Especially when high school started.

We didn’t have classes together anymore.

I was scared to be left alone.

But I had the reassurance that we could be together after school.

And that helped a lot.

Until it didn’t anymore.

Because he wanted to grow up.

He wanted to experience high school for all it was worth, just like so many other people in our school.

But he was too trusting.

Too kind and optimistic.

He always had been.

And that was something, I realized too late, I’d always loved about him.

…

…

…

…

I wanted him to be happy.

I wanted him to experience all of the things he wanted to experience.

I wanted him to find someone he loved that loved him back just as much.

So I tried to support him.

…

…

…

That was a mistake.

…

…

…

The people he trusted hurt him.

I started to realize what was going to happen right as it was starting.

I tried to stop them.

To warn him away from these people I knew shouldn’t be trusted.

These people who didn’t really care about this gentle soul I cared so deeply for.

But I was too late.

…

…

…

We fought.

It was a big argument.

He thought I was being unfair.

He thought I was calling him stupid.

And maybe I was too harsh.

Maybe I should’ve worded things differently.

But I didn’t.

…

…

…

I made my best friend cry that day.

…

…

…

It only made me feel like more of a monster.

…

…

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He stopped talking to me after that.

…

…

…

We met up again a few months later.

It was during a small get together with the club we’d both been in at the time.

He pulled me aside a ways into the event.

And he said he was sorry.

That he should have listened to me.

That I had been right.

Because those new friends he’d made, and decided to trust, had abandoned him when his reputation took a hit.

Because they’d spread the nasty rumors that ruined that reputation in the first place.

Because he’d given in and done what he’d felt was necessary for him to do in a relationship with someone.

Because he’d said no when he’d eventually been too uncomfortable to continue.

Because that boy he’d loved and tried so hard to be with, broke his heart and told everyone who would listen that he was a slut.

…

…

…

Because there’d been no one there to catch him when he’d taken that dive.

…

…

…

I hugged him then.

He was crying and apologizing.

And I told him it was okay.

He asked me if we could be friends again.

And I told him we could be.

…

…

…

I never tried to contact him again after that.

…

…

…

I was too scared.

…

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Because I finally knew what it felt like to love someone.

…

…

…

And I couldn’t deal with the fact that I’d been in love with my best friend for almost four years.

…

…

…

It was another four years later when we talked again.

We met up at graduation.

Not on purpose.

We’d simply ran into each other.

He was happy to see me.

I’d been terrified of saying something stupid.

But he smiled at me.

And it felt like stepping into the sun after hiding away from the rain.

We talked for a while.

Catching up on things.

And it was almost like we’d never even stopped talking in the first place.

I started getting more comfortable again.

And I started to gather up my courage.

I almost said it.

It was just on the tip of my tongue.

_“Do you wanna go out on a date sometime?”_

But I’d never been able to time things right.

And even if I had.

“Oh, hang on. My boyfriend’s calling me.”

I was already three years too late.

…

…

…

I cried a lot that night.

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It didn’t feel justified.

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But that didn’t make it hurt any less.

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…

…

Patton still texts me sometimes.

Every once and a while, we’ll call each other.

That always ends with us talking for hours and hours about whatever just comes to mind.

It makes me happier than it has any right to.

But it’s also just a little bittersweet.

…

…

…

I know that he’s happy.

Happy with the boy he fell in love with.

With the boy who loves him back just as much.

…

…

…

I’m pretty sure they’re gonna get married one day.

Maybe stay together for years and years.

High school sweethearts living a happy life together.

Just like he’d always dreamed of.

…

…

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It hurts.

…

…

…

I still love him.

…

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I don’t think I’ll ever stop either.

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That’s why I’m happy for him.

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That’s why I know that there’s nothing I can do to change things between us.

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That’s why I’m hoping I’ll be invited to his wedding one day.

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So I can see him smile like the sun.

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…

And finally accept, with a smile of my own, seeing that smile directed at someone else who deserved it.

**Author's Note:**

> I was sleep deprived and listening to "Be Alright" by Dean Lewis and I ended up having a lot of emotions.  
> So I decided to write them out to make myself feel better.  
> And I'd figured that turning it into a fic would make it more presentable.  
> Y'know, instead of just straight up admitting that this is what I actually went thru and stuff.  
> So here we are.


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